My story so far part 5: The surprise

Until now, my story looks like a new-age one from the many books or movies that appeared.
Such stories can be heared pretty often.
From now on my life took another path, and way fewer have gone through this than through the above-mentioned case.

At that moment I was very happy with the progress I made in conscious creation and I was keeping a very strict eye on my thoughts.I tried to keep the negative ones away and to always have positive thoughts.
I found it to be a challenging procces and I know now that it was mostly useless.
Nonetheless my life was going the way I had planed it in my mind.

Till one day, when something happened.
I was walking on the street home after meeting some friends, when I heard a voice in my head: "I would never accept to be a physically-handicapped person, never" !

We all have many thoughts going through our heads, some crazy, some stupid or without sense or some just picked from the energies around us.
But mostly, we give little importance to them and forget them quickly.
At least that was my case till then. But this thought was different.

I didn't know why I was fearing physical handicap, as I never had such a fear in my life before.
I love my body and the way I look, actually I am proud of it, so such a thought made no sense.
Anyways I tried to erase the thought from my head and forget it, think positive, but it did not work. It was not going away. It was like a foreign, yet somehow familiar presence who had joined me and was not leaving me alone.

It had a specific energy with it that I could feel, it was not just mental.
I was feeling inside me anxiety and depression, it was as if I could feel the emotions of that unknown voice.
Nothing in my outside world had changed, things were going on as normal, but inside me i couldn't get rid of the voice.

This is were all the training in positive thinking turned against me.
Day after day I began to develop a phobia about physical handicaps, I was feeling more and more fear and anguish, but I just couldn't stop it.
It was like a external force in my head that didn't want to go away.
I tried to think positive, yet I failed miserably.
Now, not only was I afraid of this voice, I was afraid of the consequences of negative thinking, because I learned that negative thoughts attract negative experiences.

It was true to an extent, but little did I knew then in experience that things happen in the best possible way according to the consciousness level of a person.
So my fear and anguish created the reality, but it did not affect me directly.
I attracted more and more handicaped people, which in turn fueled my fears, but nothing happened with me personally.
The creation was manifested around me, but it didn’t harm me.

All the things I read weren't helpful now.
Weeks passed, months passed, and inside me was a revolt. I just couldn't be in peace anymore.
In my outside world nothing changed significantly, yet inside I was a wreck.

After a few months I decided I can't take it anymore.
The voice and the emotions that came with it were acute and I seemed helpless.
So i decided to look for help.